Sometimes happiness is talking to Tamnci. Nothing beats a heart to heart conversation!!

UTata died when I was just forming my identity in faith 2006. Even though I think he would have loved to be present and loving to me or my siblings, I just think he had his own adulting troubles. I resented his lack of engagement with his family, alcoholism, womanising and children all over the place. Don't get me wrong Tamnci I love my siblings and I am grateful for the bigger family but as the first born I saw the hurt and the invalidations my stepmothers went through every time there was a new baby or pregnancy.

We fought a lot noTata because we had two different value systems. UTata never kept any promises he made. Even nale yokuya elwandle ePort Edward phofu uMamakhe ethele ipetrol ngemali yakhe. Never apologised but used force in interactions. Now I was raised by a strict but loving Grandmother with high moral values so I battled to understand uTata and his rebellion to any authority (at work, home and spiritually). Tata never fed his family (Mamakhe or Mama ka Viwe) instead he bullied all my stepmothers financially, mentally, emotionally and physically. He wanted us (me and siblings) to fear him as children but sasidikiwe and we had no emotion left for him. It was always his way or no way.

I don't think I would have told my father ukuba I am dating like I did to you. Because we were never emotionally connected. I think after uTata passed on, I had no expectation of any good relations nabantu bakwaJwacu because noMakhulu uGreta was a very cold and distant person. I saw her twice in her life. I was by accident even. UTata never made an effort for us to meet his brothers from the mothers side but he made soo much effort kwaMahlamvu. I thank God you shared ngetrauma kaTata noMalumekazi wakhe. I know you tried to reach out to me a lot and I never knew how to respond. I kept on forgetting that I have uTatomncinci (lols). But you were patient and consistent. For the life of me I never knew what it is ukuba noTatomncinci.

All of this is coming from a beautiful conversation we had. At some point it started out as accountability to the senior male elder in our family. At some point it was you sharing your perspective of distant fathers, harmonious family and it ended with me sharing my marriage perspective. This was meaningful to me. I was a 5 year old self with you 2 days ago. We never agreed on anything but there were great learnings to be taken and lots of respect. ENKOSI TAMNCI. I LOVE YOU!!

This has helped understand uJwarha and how he relates to his clan. Noba ibangathi usezulwini xa ehleli nabo.

Tamnci loves me!! He calls me a lot. He is a true Father. I am loved.