Sometimes happiness is speaking God's heart!!

Dear Ntokozo,

I have been meaning to write you this letter. You are an amazing person. A super amazing person. I am very pleased with your mental wellness progress. The commitment you have and the consistency is just out of this world. The picture I requested is the epitome of your wellness. You being in control of your thoughts, emotions and outcomes.

This is coming from a space where I saw you fall apart. I was never exposed to mental wellness before so I was shocked even though I was strong for you. I saw your mind deleting important files that you knew easily before. I remember asking Zamani if those files were ever going to come back to your mind. Sam was scared and willing to help. Your friends, nanny and your mother were on speed dial. I remember you did not want to live anymore because you felt a burden to everyone around you. Stringent deadlines at work and family meetings were the order of the day. It’s as if the world did not expect you to stop, feel and reflect. Your conscious betrayed you when you thought of your boys and the temptation of breathing your last. That was your sense of touch with reality.

I remember how you took all the help you can get. Scriptures, prayers, loads of therapy and a glass of wine (lols).

2 years later I am seeing a totally in control Ntokozo that is defining her core existence. She is learning in the journey still but she is very happy. I think your fall back strategy has been focusing on what positively responds back to your attention which is a safe home for your boys, supporting their dreams, gym, image, healing, processing your emotions with your immediate support, creating your own terms of engagement with your esteemed significant other, putting shock absorbers in the failed promises, creating a safe space for the boys and touching base with the bookworm Ntokozo in your studies.

Your journey has shown me the goodness of God in the land of the living and the importance of processing how we fill. I am proud of you!!Daughter of the King. Mamngoma. Soft and emotionally centred marshmallow.

Kelly Khumalo a wise philosopher once said, “Ngiyathemba uyabona, sofela khona empini, ngeke basikhone, lingashona emini”.

Yours in Christ,

Phathiswa