Love letters for days when I am not coping with the break-up

12/09/2023

Dear Z,

Today, I am not coping, infact I am sick, my bones are aching. I did not have energy for class. I had to call SADAG for counselling. Last week I had a bad tummy and an anointing download. I wish I could call you or text you, but you are not here spiritually, emotionally and mentally. I wish I can say one more time looking into your eyes that "I love you, Khathithi". I wish I can tell you one more time that I am proud of you, Z. I wish I can listen to the 7 year old Z tell me about the exploits he has managed to do single handedly in the farm and how the world marvels at your intellect. I have searched the scriptures Z and I am learning more about the prodigal son and resurrection. I hope for a happy ending Z for us. I have learnt to pray for you King. I have learnt that a wife stands in prayer for their family to serve God. I have learnt about the blindness and brokenness of man seeking greener pastures at the expense of relationships.

I miss how you would listen and speak once, giving me advice. Solid one. I miss you randomly asking about Fefe. I miss your patience with me and lack of anger. You were never angry. I miss our intimate times and the way you respect my body and poured into me. I have never been respected the way you did. I saw us as a family of four married and having our two kids. Fefe and Nzolo. I wish I can tell you a thousand times that you are more than enough and that "Awushodi ngalutho". I miss your "whatsapp" and "missed calls" from Tat'wakwam with pink hearts. I will not ask why but I will accept the processes and the plans of God. This is our process and also your process. This is the will of God. It needs me to be patient. I patiently hope for resurrection and the Glory of the latter house being better than the former.

Funny enough I have one word from God, Trust me and pray for what you want to see in Zizamele. I have researched many woman who went through my situation and worse and they started seeking God's will and restoration took place. I am learning that when building a house as a woman, you gotta build with God not alone or with emotions. You stand your ground as a woman. I wish I could get a million chances to serve you and tell you I love you forever. You have a bright future ahead Z. You might not see it but I see it, I smell it and touch it and walk on it.

I have learnt that we have a small "show and tell" opportunity as children of God to sell the Gospel to the ungodly and I hope I have left Prov 31 imprint in your heart. May I be the first Bible you ever read. May I be the only woman and life long wife that the Holy Spirit whispered saying "He loves you more than life itself, That man loves you", designed and made for you. Sometimes I wish I could call you but to say what Z. I will be disturbing the processes of God.

Until the ordained time of your permanent return just like the prodigal son and Japhtas birth family, enjoy your life. The world is your oyster up until the Lord snatches you from the world and shows his unending love. KNOW ONE THING GOD LOVES YOU Z AND I AM PRAYING FOR YOU. You laughed at Ntimande when Viwe walked down the Isle you are next to cry when I walk down the Isle to meet you in our holy matrimony. Uzoba, kodwa Phathiswa usile. Uzobuya usindisiwe unengqondo ungasandoyiki in a sense yokuba ingathi awundi deservi. By the time you return you would have been taught about Grace by Christ and the Holy Spirit in your new church.

Your forever loving wife and best friend,

Pat - Pat

(The only woman in your life that appreciates being kissed on top of the ear and only woman you love more than life itself and you will chase and marry and settle down with till the last day you breath no matter how broke you are. Your only woman best friend that you cannot control the love you have for her)

14/09/2023

Dear Z,

T took Mahlako's advice. I wish I did not take it but I am glad I did. You are resolute about your decision. You are not ready for God's blessing. You were quick to respond and so happy that I seem to have moved on. You were so quick to conclude that you are happy that I understand. You have moved on Z. You are gone. I want to cry so bad but tears will not come out of my eyes. Sure the Lord is opening bounty in your business and I am glad that is happening. The Lord is answering my prayers. It's ok Z, I release you, go find your life. I can't hold.

BUT I WILL NEVER FAIL ON THE ASSIGNMENT OF SERVING AS KING IN MY PRAYERS. I AGREE ALL ELSE HAS FAILED BUT I WILL NOT FAIL IN PRAYING FOR YOU EVEN IF I WILL BENEFIT NOTHING OUT OF IT. I WILL STILL PRAY FOR YOU. IF LOOSE AT LEAST LET GOD WIN. IT'S OKAY THAT I LOOSE BUT LET GOD WIN.

I would have loved to be your future wife according to God's will but what can we say,

Forever your number one supporter and sweet love,

P.Moyo