Happy notes from my reads!! Library reflections!! - 5 languages of love!!
- Phathiswa Moyo
- Sep 15, 2022
- 13 min read
Updated: Jan 15
5 love languages
CHAPTER 1
Loosing the zest for life because of major life events, growth, loss, career, children etc.
Happiness and zest for life is serious business that needs commitment.
Acknowledge efforts and stop complaining.
Do happiness in a love language or happiness language I understand!!!
Make effort to learn my love and happiness language!!!
Understand myself. Likes and dislikes!!
I need to put constant effort towards my happiness and self love. It is a deliberate exercise.
CHAPTER 2
Keep the love and happiness TANK FULL.
Fill my child's love TANK so that she develops normally. Emotionally and socially.
Prioritize Fefe's warm, happy and loving childhood. Share too much love with her.
Slow down in re-marrying as I need to attend to her emotional needs and love her. That will eliminate behaviour problems.
She must be sure of my love.
Marriage is entering each other in a deep and intimate way
Am I intimate with myself?? Am I?? Really??
My happiness and love tank must always be full otherwise I like a vehicle without fuel.
Work on the quality of life through happiness and love. Don't allow it to go down.
DO NOT MAKE IRRATIONAL LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS BASED ON ME AVOIDING SELF LOVE. I AM NO JANICE!!STUDY CHARACTER AND THEIR IMPACT ON MY HAPPINESS. THE PARTTEN IS VISIBLE CLEAR. DO NOT IGNORE IT!!!
CHAPTER 3
Naturally the in love obsession lasts 2 years maximum.
We choose to love deliberately not really not based euphoria. It is daily choices. Daily practice of commitment.
Love and happiness is intentional.
I love myself and I am happy and I choose to lookout for my interests.
It is my decision.
I will not use my body as means to an end but I will love and appreciate myself.
I must say good compliments to myself.
Positive affirmations.
I must encourage.
I must always have the courage to overcome.
Courage to start over.
Good life is not found in aspirations but relationships.
Sis Nosi encouraging words on applying for Masters, me being smart and a deposit towards my bond.
Encourage myself to take the first step.
Pressure = condemnation = rejection. I must always avoid.
I must believe in myself and abilities.
Mrs Reyneke and Dr Moolman believe that I am a smart student.
CHAPTER 4
Learning to love myself is an effort. Loving myself is a choice. I choose to love myself every second.
I must love myself expecting nothing in return.
Eventually my mind and body will respond positively.
5 love languages for children
CHAPTER 1
5 love languages for children
CHAPTER 1
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Fefe should never doubt my love.
I should include her in decision making.
I should learn her love language. I think it is "quality time".
The best gift I can give Fefe is a safe and solid childhood.
Broken and troublesome childhood comes when a child is sidelined and less prioritised.
I must spend quality time and deliberate time with Fefe.
I must listen to her needs.
I must validate her.
In that way she will grow to be a wholesome adult.
SHE MIGHT DATE PRE-MATURELY OR CONTRACT DESEASES OR BE AN UNFULLFILLED ADULT IF I DO NOT NURSE HER EMOTIONAL NEEDS!!!
The Psychology of Happiness: A good human life
- Happiness is a way of living not temporary state that comes and goes
- Happiness depends on growth. The feel good hormone is the part of that
- Happiness is fulfillment
- Self actualisation is key. Knowing yourself and your values
- Look at the character. Forget the Disney movies and the looks.
- Happily everafter depends on character.
- I need to contribute positively into the wellbeing of our relationship
- DO SETTLE, DO THE INSIDE JOB
- Look at the emotionality and lovemeter
- Sabotage in a relationship is through blaming the other partner and not looking at what attracts us to other people
- Z is from Patriarchy and I am from Matriarchy (Mlimi and CS) = Shared power and waking in feminity
- The love we get as kids we exude as adults
- Eldest daughter in matriarchy becomes the leader and eldest son in patriarchy becomes the leader when seniors die
- Watch the comfortable space between us no Z
- Understand each others backgrounds
HAPPINESS
- Problem we work long hours and multiple jobs. We do not rest or play.
- Money is not the problem but the stress it brings is one
- DIVORCE DO NOT HAPPEN AROUND MONEY BUT THE STRESS THAT MONEY BRINGS AND THE POOR SKILLS OF RESILIENCY ONE LACKS. HAPPINESS AND RESILIENCY IS THE MAIN THING
- FIRM SPIRIT IS RESILIENCY = CANNOT BE KNOCKED DOWN BY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU
- WE ALL HAVE OUR FAIR SHARE OF TROUBLES BUT WHAT MATTERS IS HOW DO WE DEAL WITH THEM SO THAT WE RISE ABOVE THEM
- Survive or thrive methods
- I must be someone whom whatever happens will not knock me off my game
- We can have the same experience and we might perceive it differently
-Reframe my thoughts
- Never go to victimland you will never comeback
- Find the blessing in the mess
- The situation will not change but the outcome will and the perception
- Love is not centered around self
- Love should be effortless
- Ensure the good of the other (So I must ensure the good of Z vice-versa)
- Union - one team in the relationship
- The success of marriage lies in accepting the differences
- Unite and play roles as expected by each other
- Loving, being there forever and seeing it through
- Intergrity = upholding myself with intergrity
- Personal choice
- Intergrity means listening to my partner and finding out what is bothering them
- I must love my partner the way he wants to be loved
- Sense of belonging means BE THERE!!!
- OWNERSHIP MEANS THINKING IN THE BEST INTEREST OF YOUR PARTNER AND PROTECTING WHAT IS IMPORTANT FOR THEM THE SAME WAY WE DO FOR CHILDREN
- Assure
07/10/2024 5 languages of love for singles
Reflecting on the insights gained from this book, I am struck by the profound understanding of love that emerged from its pages. From the outset, it emphasized the importance of listening—both to the struggles of others and to the desires of readers.
This notion of listenership resonates deeply with me; it highlights our responsibility to address the real issues people face while simultaneously delivering messages they wish to hear.
One of the most significant revelations is that love is not one-dimensional, confined to the realm of marriage alone. The book outlines three distinct forms of love: capable love, parental or relational love, and the intimate love shared between spouses. Each type plays a crucial role in shaping our connections with one another. It reminds us that everyone deserves love, be it from colleagues, parents, or friends. The statistics regarding singlehood in America reveal a startling truth: being single is increasingly becoming the default state for many. Yet, this is not inherently negative. Singleness offers an alternative way of life, providing opportunities to receive love from various sources—parents, friends, and colleagues alike.
Moreover, the book powerfully illustrates that love can carry us through the darkest hours of our lives. When people feel loved, they possess the strength to overcome even the most daunting challenges. In contrast, isolation and neglect lead to emptiness and despair. The importance of consistent emotional support—through prayer, encouragement, and thoughtful words—cannot be overstated; these actions are expressions of love that can profoundly impact one’s well-being.
The text also resonated with my understanding of dreams. Life's trials may delay or redirect our aspirations, but this is not inherently problematic if love is present. Whether single or married, people universally seek love from those closest to them. The act of expressing and receiving love is fundamental to our existence. It is essential to recognize that we were created out of love and are continually surrounded by it. Unfortunately, in our pursuit of worldly success, we often overlook this truth and isolate ourselves from the very essence of what we are: beings made to love and be loved.
In reflecting on my past experiences, I realize that my sense of self-worth was once tied to my workaholic tendencies and relentless pursuit of targets. I recall my time at Chicken Noodle, which felt like an enslaving environment. While I contributed greatly, I received little love in return. The benefits were there, but they were hollow, lacking the warmth of genuine connection. This led me to realize that I had been chasing an existence defined by productivity rather than one rooted in God’s love.
The book underscores that the challenges in marriages stem from a need for ongoing commitment and effort to sustain love over time. As the years pass, love can diminish without intentionality. I pondered the question of how loved I truly feel and recognized that God has sent various people into my life who embody love, especially in times of need. I have experienced love from friends countless times, yet I often wonder if I provide the same support in return. I feel a growing desire to give more, to be a source of comfort and love for others.
I’ve learned that while I excel at giving emotional love, I need to become more adept at receiving it. My interest in studying the nuances of love has intensified. I want to explore its depth and complexity further. Additionally, the book shifted my perspective on vacations; it taught me that they are not just about staying indoors but about embracing the outdoors, going for hikes, and immersing myself in different cultures. I am inspired by the vibrant traditions of the West, where families make annual vacations a cherished ritual.
Ultimately, the takeaway from this reflection is that love, in all its forms, conquers adversity and enriches our lives. Understanding love—both its giving and receiving—will undoubtedly be a lifelong journey, one that I am eager to pursue.
Reflections on Love and Relationships
Siyabonga Mnembe:
Initially, I thought he liked me, but it turned out he didn’t. He enjoyed small talk, but our conversations never deepened.
After our first date, I realized he was a letdown. Despite his gifts—though I’m not a "gifts" person—I didn’t feel connected.
What I longed for most was meaningful conversation, but he couldn’t provide that. His jokes were simplistic, and I often felt like I had to lower my maturity to engage with him.
While he respected my boundaries and was generous, the lack of quality interaction quickly made me lose interest.
Bruce Moyo:
Bruce and I lacked a shared faith, which was significant to me as a born-again Christian.
I felt unloved when he dismissed my ideas for activities like going to the movies or the park.
He couldn't meet my emotional and physical needs, which left me feeling disconnected.
Thembelani Mdingwa:
Thandolani showed love through quality time and acceptance of my daughter.
He took me out, spent weekends with me, and made an effort to meet my friends and family.
Despite his loving gestures, his womanizing behavior and controlling tendencies suffocated me.
His lack of support for my faith and career aspirations made me feel restricted.
Zizamele Mathews Magazi:
Isabelle was a confident conversationalist, which I deeply appreciated.
We had long, meaningful calls, and he shared information that sparked engaging discussions.
However, I felt unloved when he was emotionally and physically distant. His reluctance to be close, dance, or share quality time left me yearning for more connection.
Mthetho Khali:
Mthetho was a true gentleman who "manned up" and cared for me deeply.
He surprised me with yogurt, which became a sweet memory. He created a safe and gentle space where I felt cherished and respected.
His ability to listen, adapt, and communicate openly made me feel understood.
From playful moments like teaching me songs to thoughtful acts like sending flowers after our dates, he consistently showed care.
His storytelling, analytical mind, and respect for my boundaries made our relationship fulfilling.
Zizamele Mathews Magazi:
Mandla’s relentless pursuit and attentiveness were admirable.
He remembered my birthday, made time for long conversations, and showed vulnerability by sharing his dreams and fears.
He supported me, offered great advice, and made me feel valued by introducing me to his family and including me in meaningful moments, like my sister’s wedding.
Quality Time:
You deeply value meaningful conversations and shared experiences. Whether it’s long calls, outings, or simply spending uninterrupted time together, quality interactions are essential for you to feel connected. Sharing songs.
Examples: Long conversations with Zizamele & Mthetho, outings with Thembelani, and shared activities with Mthetho.
Words of Affirmation:
You appreciate partners who are good communicators, share their dreams, express their thoughts, and engage in deep, heartfelt discussions.
Examples: Conversations about vulnerability with Zizamele, Zizamele’s confident communication, and Mthetho’s ability to listen and respond.
Acts of Service:
You feel loved when your partner shows care through thoughtful actions, like helping, providing, or making life easier for you.
Examples: Mthetho buying yogurt and holding you to sleep, Zizamele helping at your sister’s wedding, and Thembelani showing love through actions that supported you and your daughter.
Receiving Gifts (to a lesser extent):
While you mention not being a "gifts" person, you still appreciate the thoughtfulness behind them.
Examples: Gifts from Mthetho and flowers from Zizamele, although these don’t seem to weigh as heavily as other love languages.
Physical Touch:
Feeling physically connected through hugs, dancing, or simply being close matters to you.
Examples: Feeling unloved when Zizamele didn’t want hugs or closeness and feeling loved when Mthetho held you or shared intimate moments.
Dominant Love Language:
Your primary love languages appear to be Quality Time and Words of Affirmation, as you value meaningful conversations and shared experiences the most. Acts of Service and Physical Touch follow closely as additional ways you feel loved and connected.
Here are the three common love languages identified in chronological order across the reflections:
1. Quality Time
Siyabonga Mnembe: Longed for meaningful conversations and deeper connections but didn’t receive them.
Bruce: Felt disconnected due to a lack of shared activities and emotional presence.
Thembelani: Loved the quality time spent together, such as outings and weekend companionship.
Zizamele: Appreciated long, meaningful calls and engaging discussions but felt unloved when quality time was absent. Treasured long conversations and his attentiveness during shared moments.
Mthetho: Valued shared moments like playful activities and meaningful conversations.
2. Words of Affirmation
Siyabonga Mnembe: Desired meaningful dialogue and deeper verbal connections.
Bruce: Lack of communication and alignment in faith left emotional gaps.
Thembelani: Connected through his acceptance of her and conversations but faced disconnection when his behavior contradicted his words.
Zizamele: Valued his confident and engaging communication style.
Mthetho: Loved his ability to listen, share stories, and provide meaningful feedback.
Zizamele: Connected through his vulnerability and open sharing of dreams and fears.
3. Physical Touch
Siyabonga Mnembe: Absence of mention, suggesting it wasn't prioritized, dodged my kiss
Bruce: Emotional and physical needs were unmet, leading to feelings of disconnection.
Thembelani: Felt loved through his physical presence and affection.
Zizamele: Felt unloved when physical closeness, hugs, and intimacy were lacking. Appreciated his gentleness in intimacy and his physical presence during significant moments.
Mthetho: Loved the physical comfort he provided, such as holding her to sleep.
Summary in Chronological Order:
Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
These three love languages consistently appear as key factors influencing feelings of love and connection throughout the relationships.
Here’s a neatly written version of your heartfelt message:
I felt deeply loved by Papa. He was there for me 100%, sacrificing his time and resources to support me. He was gentle with me, guiding and teaching me how to transition into adulthood without breaking my spirit. He protected me, sheltered me, and allowed me to be vulnerable, like a butterfly resting safely in his hand.
I felt most loved by my mom when she defended me in my absence, shared her bed with me, provided me with food, and took care of my daughter. However, I sometimes feel disconnected when she says things without considering how they might be received. If you offer her feedback, it's a gamble—she might dismiss it or respond with sarcasm or anger. Yet, I felt incredibly loved when she was proud of me, attended events with me, empathized with my pain from workplace struggles, and supported me when I needed her.
With my Sis Nosi, I felt most loved when they remembered my birthday, proudly translated my achievements, lent me money, listened to me, and told me the truth. I especially cherish moments when they surprise me with thoughtful gifts I never expected.
With Mbali & Kuhle, I felt deeply loved because she protected and cared for me. She went out of her way to show her presence and commitment.
Khensani’s presence and commitment once meant so much to me, though I later realized it was manipulation.
My brother showed love through our shared conversations, vulnerabilities, trust, gentleness, and the transparency of our relationship.
With Beitske, I felt loved because of the trust he showed in me, taking me seriously, and allowing me to be the butterfly I am.
Lomso made me feel loved by truly listening—she listens deeply, cares immensely, and goes all out to show her love. When she visited me, even in the most difficult situations, or when we shared meals, remembered birthdays, and broke bread together, her emotional presence was profound. During tough times, like when my car was stolen or when I didn’t have the means to celebrate Christmas in 2023, her emotional intelligence and unwavering presence made me feel truly loved.
Papa
Acts of Service: He was always there for you, even at personal expense.
Gentleness: He guided and taught you without breaking you.
Protection: He shielded you, letting you be vulnerable and grow.
Mom
Acts of Service: She defended you in your absence, gave you food, and took care of your daughter.
Gifts: Gave you her bed, showing sacrifice.
Empathy: Felt your pain during difficult work situations.
Quality Time: Accompanied you to functions and moments of pride.
Sister
Gifts: Remembering your birthday and surprising you.
Acts of Service: Lending money when needed.
Truthfulness: Telling you the truth, even when difficult.
Marley
Protection and Care: Protected you and showed consistent presence and concern.
Acts of Service: Went out of her way to support you.
Consignee
Commitment and Availability: Initially seemed like love due to her commitment and presence, even if later revealed as manipulation.
Brother
Quality Time: Shared deep conversations and moments of vulnerability.
Gentleness and Trust: Transparent and kind relationship.
Basket
Trust and Respect: Took you seriously and allowed you to express yourself freely.
Sistema Palade
Active Listening: Truly listened and cared about your feelings.
Acts of Service: Went all out to show love through visits and shared meals.
Emotional Support: Showed high emotional intelligence during your tough times.
Yourself
Trust and Self-Acceptance: You value trusting yourself and allowing yourself to flourish.
Summary of Key Love Languages:
Acts of Service: Repeatedly present in relationships with your mom, Marley, Sistema Palade, and others.
Quality Time: Deep conversations, visits, and shared moments.
Gifts: Significant in your relationships with your sister and Sistema Palade.
Words of Affirmation: Truth-telling and moments of pride shared with your mom and sister.
Physical Presence and Protection: Particularly from Papa, Marley, and others who made you feel safe.
This reflection shows a blend of how you both receive and interpret love, intertwined with appreciation for care, protection, and emotional connection.
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