Happy notes from my reads!! Library reflections!! - 5 languages of love!!
- Phathiswa Moyo
- Sep 15, 2022
- 17 min read
Updated: Apr 1
5 love languages
CHAPTER 1
Loosing the zest for life because of major life events, growth, loss, career, children etc.
Happiness and zest for life is serious business that needs commitment.
Acknowledge efforts and stop complaining.
Do happiness in a love language or happiness language I understand!!!
Make effort to learn my love and happiness language!!!
Understand myself. Likes and dislikes!!
I need to put constant effort towards my happiness and self love. It is a deliberate exercise.
CHAPTER 2
Keep the love and happiness TANK FULL.
Fill my child's love TANK so that she develops normally. Emotionally and socially.
Prioritize Fefe's warm, happy and loving childhood. Share too much love with her.
Slow down in re-marrying as I need to attend to her emotional needs and love her. That will eliminate behaviour problems.
She must be sure of my love.
Marriage is entering each other in a deep and intimate way
Am I intimate with myself?? Am I?? Really??
My happiness and love tank must always be full otherwise I like a vehicle without fuel.
Work on the quality of life through happiness and love. Don't allow it to go down.
DO NOT MAKE IRRATIONAL LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS BASED ON ME AVOIDING SELF LOVE. I AM NO JANICE!!STUDY CHARACTER AND THEIR IMPACT ON MY HAPPINESS. THE PARTTEN IS VISIBLE CLEAR. DO NOT IGNORE IT!!!
CHAPTER 3
Naturally the in love obsession lasts 2 years maximum.
We choose to love deliberately not really not based euphoria. It is daily choices. Daily practice of commitment.
Love and happiness is intentional.
I love myself and I am happy and I choose to lookout for my interests.
It is my decision.
I will not use my body as means to an end but I will love and appreciate myself.
I must say good compliments to myself.
Positive affirmations.
I must encourage.
I must always have the courage to overcome.
Courage to start over.
Good life is not found in aspirations but relationships.
Sis Nosi encouraging words on applying for Masters, me being smart and a deposit towards my bond.
Encourage myself to take the first step.
Pressure = condemnation = rejection. I must always avoid.
I must believe in myself and abilities.
Mrs Reyneke and Dr Moolman believe that I am a smart student.
CHAPTER 4
Learning to love myself is an effort. Loving myself is a choice. I choose to love myself every second.
I must love myself expecting nothing in return.
Eventually my mind and body will respond positively.
5 love languages for children
CHAPTER 1
5 love languages for children
CHAPTER 1
.
Fefe should never doubt my love.
I should include her in decision making.
I should learn her love language. I think it is "quality time".
The best gift I can give Fefe is a safe and solid childhood.
Broken and troublesome childhood comes when a child is sidelined and less prioritised.
I must spend quality time and deliberate time with Fefe.
I must listen to her needs.
I must validate her.
In that way she will grow to be a wholesome adult.
SHE MIGHT DATE PRE-MATURELY OR CONTRACT DESEASES OR BE AN UNFULLFILLED ADULT IF I DO NOT NURSE HER EMOTIONAL NEEDS!!!
The Psychology of Happiness: A good human life
- Happiness is a way of living not temporary state that comes and goes
- Happiness depends on growth. The feel good hormone is the part of that
- Happiness is fulfillment
- Self actualisation is key. Knowing yourself and your values
- Look at the character. Forget the Disney movies and the looks.
- Happily everafter depends on character.
- I need to contribute positively into the wellbeing of our relationship
- DO SETTLE, DO THE INSIDE JOB
- Look at the emotionality and lovemeter
- Sabotage in a relationship is through blaming the other partner and not looking at what attracts us to other people
- Z is from Patriarchy and I am from Matriarchy (Mlimi and CS) = Shared power and waking in feminity
- The love we get as kids we exude as adults
- Eldest daughter in matriarchy becomes the leader and eldest son in patriarchy becomes the leader when seniors die
- Watch the comfortable space between us no Z
- Understand each others backgrounds
HAPPINESS
- Problem we work long hours and multiple jobs. We do not rest or play.
- Money is not the problem but the stress it brings is one
- DIVORCE DO NOT HAPPEN AROUND MONEY BUT THE STRESS THAT MONEY BRINGS AND THE POOR SKILLS OF RESILIENCY ONE LACKS. HAPPINESS AND RESILIENCY IS THE MAIN THING
- FIRM SPIRIT IS RESILIENCY = CANNOT BE KNOCKED DOWN BY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU
- WE ALL HAVE OUR FAIR SHARE OF TROUBLES BUT WHAT MATTERS IS HOW DO WE DEAL WITH THEM SO THAT WE RISE ABOVE THEM
- Survive or thrive methods
- I must be someone whom whatever happens will not knock me off my game
- We can have the same experience and we might perceive it differently
-Reframe my thoughts
- Never go to victimland you will never comeback
- Find the blessing in the mess
- The situation will not change but the outcome will and the perception
- Love is not centered around self
- Love should be effortless
- Ensure the good of the other (So I must ensure the good of Z vice-versa)
- Union - one team in the relationship
- The success of marriage lies in accepting the differences
- Unite and play roles as expected by each other
- Loving, being there forever and seeing it through
- Intergrity = upholding myself with intergrity
- Personal choice
- Intergrity means listening to my partner and finding out what is bothering them
- I must love my partner the way he wants to be loved
- Sense of belonging means BE THERE!!!
- OWNERSHIP MEANS THINKING IN THE BEST INTEREST OF YOUR PARTNER AND PROTECTING WHAT IS IMPORTANT FOR THEM THE SAME WAY WE DO FOR CHILDREN
- Assure
07/10/2024 5 languages of love for singles
Reflecting on the insights gained from this book, I am struck by the profound understanding of love that emerged from its pages. From the outset, it emphasized the importance of listening—both to the struggles of others and to the desires of readers.
This notion of listenership resonates deeply with me; it highlights our responsibility to address the real issues people face while simultaneously delivering messages they wish to hear.
One of the most significant revelations is that love is not one-dimensional, confined to the realm of marriage alone. The book outlines three distinct forms of love: capable love, parental or relational love, and the intimate love shared between spouses. Each type plays a crucial role in shaping our connections with one another. It reminds us that everyone deserves love, be it from colleagues, parents, or friends. The statistics regarding singlehood in America reveal a startling truth: being single is increasingly becoming the default state for many. Yet, this is not inherently negative. Singleness offers an alternative way of life, providing opportunities to receive love from various sources—parents, friends, and colleagues alike.
Moreover, the book powerfully illustrates that love can carry us through the darkest hours of our lives. When people feel loved, they possess the strength to overcome even the most daunting challenges. In contrast, isolation and neglect lead to emptiness and despair. The importance of consistent emotional support—through prayer, encouragement, and thoughtful words—cannot be overstated; these actions are expressions of love that can profoundly impact one’s well-being.
The text also resonated with my understanding of dreams. Life's trials may delay or redirect our aspirations, but this is not inherently problematic if love is present. Whether single or married, people universally seek love from those closest to them. The act of expressing and receiving love is fundamental to our existence. It is essential to recognize that we were created out of love and are continually surrounded by it. Unfortunately, in our pursuit of worldly success, we often overlook this truth and isolate ourselves from the very essence of what we are: beings made to love and be loved.
In reflecting on my past experiences, I realize that my sense of self-worth was once tied to my workaholic tendencies and relentless pursuit of targets. I recall my time at Chicken Noodle, which felt like an enslaving environment. While I contributed greatly, I received little love in return. The benefits were there, but they were hollow, lacking the warmth of genuine connection. This led me to realize that I had been chasing an existence defined by productivity rather than one rooted in God’s love.
The book underscores that the challenges in marriages stem from a need for ongoing commitment and effort to sustain love over time. As the years pass, love can diminish without intentionality. I pondered the question of how loved I truly feel and recognized that God has sent various people into my life who embody love, especially in times of need. I have experienced love from friends countless times, yet I often wonder if I provide the same support in return. I feel a growing desire to give more, to be a source of comfort and love for others.
I’ve learned that while I excel at giving emotional love, I need to become more adept at receiving it. My interest in studying the nuances of love has intensified. I want to explore its depth and complexity further. Additionally, the book shifted my perspective on vacations; it taught me that they are not just about staying indoors but about embracing the outdoors, going for hikes, and immersing myself in different cultures. I am inspired by the vibrant traditions of the West, where families make annual vacations a cherished ritual.
Ultimately, the takeaway from this reflection is that love, in all its forms, conquers adversity and enriches our lives. Understanding love—both its giving and receiving—will undoubtedly be a lifelong journey, one that I am eager to pursue.
Reflections on Love and Relationships
Siyabonga Mnembe:
Initially, I thought he liked me, but it turned out he didn’t. He enjoyed small talk, but our conversations never deepened.
After our first date, I realized he was a letdown. Despite his gifts—though I’m not a "gifts" person—I didn’t feel connected.
What I longed for most was meaningful conversation, but he couldn’t provide that. His jokes were simplistic, and I often felt like I had to lower my maturity to engage with him.
While he respected my boundaries and was generous, the lack of quality interaction quickly made me lose interest.
Bruce Moyo:
Bruce and I lacked a shared faith, which was significant to me as a born-again Christian.
I felt unloved when he dismissed my ideas for activities like going to the movies or the park.
He couldn't meet my emotional and physical needs, which left me feeling disconnected.
Thembelani Mdingwa:
Thandolani showed love through quality time and acceptance of my daughter.
He took me out, spent weekends with me, and made an effort to meet my friends and family.
Despite his loving gestures, his womanizing behavior and controlling tendencies suffocated me.
His lack of support for my faith and career aspirations made me feel restricted.
Zizamele Mathews Magazi:
Isabelle was a confident conversationalist, which I deeply appreciated.
We had long, meaningful calls, and he shared information that sparked engaging discussions.
However, I felt unloved when he was emotionally and physically distant. His reluctance to be close, dance, or share quality time left me yearning for more connection.
Mthetho Khali:
Mthetho was a true gentleman who "manned up" and cared for me deeply.
He surprised me with yogurt, which became a sweet memory. He created a safe and gentle space where I felt cherished and respected.
His ability to listen, adapt, and communicate openly made me feel understood.
From playful moments like teaching me songs to thoughtful acts like sending flowers after our dates, he consistently showed care.
His storytelling, analytical mind, and respect for my boundaries made our relationship fulfilling.
Zizamele Mathews Magazi:
Mandla’s relentless pursuit and attentiveness were admirable.
He remembered my birthday, made time for long conversations, and showed vulnerability by sharing his dreams and fears.
He supported me, offered great advice, and made me feel valued by introducing me to his family and including me in meaningful moments, like my sister’s wedding.
Quality Time:
You deeply value meaningful conversations and shared experiences. Whether it’s long calls, outings, or simply spending uninterrupted time together, quality interactions are essential for you to feel connected.
Examples: Long conversations with Zizamele & Mthetho, outings with Thembelani, and shared activities with Mthetho.
Words of Affirmation:
*You appreciate partners who are good communicators, share their dreams, express their thoughts, and engage in deep, heartfelt discussions.
Examples: Conversations about vulnerability with Zizamele, Zizamele’s confident communication, and Mthetho’s ability to listen and respond.
Acts of Service:
You feel loved when your partner shows care through thoughtful actions, like helping, providing, or making life easier for you.
Examples: Mthetho buying yogurt and holding you to sleep, Zizamele helping at your sister’s wedding, and Thembelani showing love through actions that supported you and your daughter.
Receiving Gifts (to a lesser extent):
While you mention not being a "gifts" person, you still appreciate the thoughtfulness behind them.
Examples: Gifts from Mteto and flowers from Mandla, although these don’t seem to weigh as heavily as other love languages.
Physical Touch:
Feeling physically connected through hugs, dancing, or simply being close matters to you.
Examples: Feeling unloved when Isabelle didn’t want hugs or closeness and feeling loved when Mteto held you or shared intimate moments.
Dominant Love Language:
Your primary love languages appear to be Quality Time and Words of Affirmation, as you value meaningful conversations and shared experiences the most. Acts of Service and Physical Touch follow closely as additional ways you feel loved and connected.
Quality Time: Love is patient - Listen without interrupting, Give others time to grow or change without pressuring them, Wait calmly in challenging situations or during disagreements.
Words of Affirmation: Love is patient - Wait calmly in challenging situations or during disagreements. Love is kind - Offer compliments or encouragement.
Acts of Service: Love is kind - Help someone in need, such as running errands or lending support. Perform random acts of kindness, like writing a thoughtful note or gifting something meaningful.
Receiving Gifts (to a lesser extent):
Physical Touch:
Quality Time:
You deeply value meaningful conversations and shared experiences. Whether it’s long calls, outings, or simply spending uninterrupted time together, quality interactions are essential for you to feel connected.
Examples: Long conversations with Zizamele & Mthetho, outings with Thembelani, and shared activities with Mthetho.
Words of Affirmation:
*You appreciate partners who are good communicators, share their dreams, express their thoughts, and engage in deep, heartfelt discussions.
Examples: Conversations about vulnerability with Zizamele, Zizamele’s confident communication, and Mthetho’s ability to listen and respond.
Acts of Service:
You feel loved when your partner shows care through thoughtful actions, like helping, providing, or making life easier for you.
Examples: Mthetho buying yogurt and holding you to sleep, Zizamele helping at your sister’s wedding, and Thembelani showing love through actions that supported you and your daughter.
Receiving Gifts (to a lesser extent):
While you mention not being a "gifts" person, you still appreciate the thoughtfulness behind them.
Examples: Gifts from Mteto and flowers from Mandla, although these don’t seem to weigh as heavily as other love languages.
Physical Touch:
Feeling physically connected through hugs, dancing, or simply being close matters to you.
Examples: Feeling unloved when Isabelle didn’t want hugs or closeness and feeling loved when Mteto held you or shared intimate moments.
Dominant Love Language:
Your primary love languages appear to be Quality Time and Words of Affirmation, as you value meaningful conversations and shared experiences the most. Acts of Service and Physical Touch follow closely as additional ways you feel loved and connected.
Quality Time (Time): Love is patient - Listen without interrupting, Give others time to grow or change without pressuring them, Wait calmly in challenging situations or during disagreements. It does not envy. Focus on gratitude for your own blessings. It is not easily angered - Take a moment to breathe before reacting in frustration. Practice forgiveness and avoid holding grudges. It keeps no record of wrongs. Forgive fully and avoid bringing up past mistakes. Focus on moving forward in relationships without harboring resentment. Offer grace and understanding when others fall short. Love always perseveres. Stay committed to relationships even through challenges. Be consistent in showing care and support. Stand by others when they face hardships.
Words of Affirmation (Tounge): Love is patient - Wait calmly in challenging situations or during disagreements. Love is kind - Offer compliments or encouragement. It does not envy. Celebrate others' successes without comparing them to your own. It does not envy. Celebrate others' successes without comparing them to your own. Be genuinely happy for someone when they achieve something you desire. It does not boast - Avoid bragging about accomplishments.Practice humility by acknowledging the contributions of others. It is not proud - Be open to feedback and admit when you're wrong. Avoid putting yourself above others in conversation or action. It does not dishonor others - Speak respectfully, even during disagreements. Avoid gossip, insults, or undermining others. Uplift others with your words and actions. It is not self-seeking - Practice active listening to understand someone else’s perspective. It is not easily angered. Take a moment to breathe before reacting in frustration. Respond to conflict with calmness and empathy. Love does not delight in evil. Avoid celebrating others' failures or mistakes. Speak up against injustice and wrongdoing. Promote fairness and kindness in your words and actions. Love rejoices with the truth. Speak honestly and encourage integrity. Celebrate moments of honesty and authenticity in others. Stand by truth, even when it’s difficult. Love always trusts. Believe in the goodness and intentions of others unless proven otherwise. Be dependable, so others can trust you in return. Foster open communication and transparency. Love always hopes. Encourage optimism and positivity in difficult times. Inspire others by showing faith in their potential. Look for solutions rather than focusing on problems.
Acts of Service (Works): Love is kind - Help someone in need, such as running errands or lending support. Perform random acts of kindness, like writing a thoughtful note or gifting something meaningful. It does not envy. Celebrate others' successes without comparing them to your own. Be genuinely happy for someone when they achieve something you desire. It does not boast - Practice humility by acknowledging the contributions of others. Share credit and express appreciation for teamwork. It is not proud - Serve others willingly, regardless of status or recognition. It does not dishonor others - Uplift others with your words and actions. It is not self-seeking - Prioritize the needs of others over your own interests when appropriate. Volunteer your time or resources for a cause. It is not easily angered - Take a moment to breathe before reacting in frustration. Practice forgiveness and avoid holding grudges. It keeps no record of wrongs. Forgive fully and avoid bringing up past mistakes. Focus on moving forward in relationships without harboring resentment. Offer grace and understanding when others fall short. Love does not delight in evil. Avoid celebrating others' failures or mistakes. Speak up against injustice and wrongdoing. Promote fairness and kindness in your words and actions. Love always protects. Defend others when they are mistreated or vulnerable. Provide a safe space for loved ones to express themselves. Be reliable in times of trouble or uncertainty. Love always trusts. Be dependable, so others can trust you in return. Love always trusts. Believe in the goodness and intentions of others unless proven otherwise. Be dependable, so others can trust you in return. Love always hopes. Inspire others by showing faith in their potential. Look for solutions rather than focusing on problems. Love always perseveres. Stay committed to relationships even through challenges. Be consistent in showing care and support. Stand by others when they face hardships. Love never fails.
Keep showing love, even when it’s not reciprocated immediately. Pursue reconciliation and understanding in strained relationships. Remain steadfast in love’s principles regardless of circumstances.
Receiving Gifts (Works): It does not envy. Celebrate others' successes without comparing them to your own. Be genuinely happy for someone when they achieve something you desire. Practice forgiveness and avoid holding grudges. It keeps no record of wrongs. Forgive fully and avoid bringing up past mistakes. Focus on moving forward in relationships without harboring resentment. Offer grace and understanding when others fall short.
Physical Touch:
MY LOVE LANGUAGE TO PEOPLE
Acts of service
2. Words of affirmation
3. Gifts
4. Quality time
MY LOVE LANGUAGE FROM PEOPLE
1. Quality time
2, Words of affirmation
3. Acts of service
4. Gifts
IF HE HAD BEEN WITH ME - LAURA NOWLIN
I love the naivety of Laura, the way she believes—so earnestly, so wholeheartedly—that if she were Sylvia, things would have turned out differently. That love would have aligned itself with her desires, that feelings alone could bend the course of fate. But life happens. And we are not the authors of another’s heart. I adore her innocence, the same naivety I carried in my twenties—the belief that I could change his mind, that I could make him love me more, that I could make him see me the way I longed to be seen. That if I loved deeply enough, if I sacrificed wholly enough, I could save him from himself, from his blunders, from the weight of his own shortcomings. I thought and I know that love alone would have shield us ONLY IF THEY ALLOWED THE LOVE OF GOD TO SHIELD US. The lesson I also learnt is that my devotion needed also his devotion to be a joint fortress, that he would be safe, and in turn, so would I. That our love, wrapped in the warmth of God's protection, would be enough to rewrite destiny.
Oh, the naivety we carried in those years—when we so desperately longed for marriage. The true and strong conviction that ourselves that love has the power to reshape a person, to fill the gaps in their character, to draw them closer to God. HOWEVER, THEY CAN ONLY TASTE THAT IF THEY OPEN THEIR HEARTS, Love is a sculptor, however we are not meant to carve another into the image we desire because of personal will bestowed by God and PEOPLE'S FOOLISHNESS. And yet, there is something beautiful in that youthful hope, that unwavering faith. Even as we outgrow it, even as we learn to let love be what it is—not a force to mold, but a presence to cherish.
I appreciate how this author remains respectful of the audience, choosing to speak only from his own exposure and experience rather than resorting to over-imagination or sensationalism. He stays within the scope of what he truly understands, rather than fabricating narratives beyond his reach. One of the most striking aspects of his perspective on intelligence work is his discussion of how mere association with an unethical group can taint even the well-intentioned. Intelligence officers—senior officials who are expected to remain impartial, faithful to facts, and dedicated to truth—often find themselves entangled in the political world of policymakers. Instead of maintaining neutrality and acting in the best interests of the public, they become instruments of political agendas, tools used to push certain narratives that have little to do with the safety and protection of the very citizens who fund intelligence and military operations through their taxes. This, to me, reflects the sins of the fathers—the mistakes and moral failings of those in power. Pride and ego often drive decision-making to the point where proving a point becomes more important than considering the real cost. Resources that could be used for growth, success, and national prosperity are instead funneled into reinforcing personal or political narratives. Ultimately, this highlights the dangers of ego—the very thing that the Lord warns against. Ego blinds us. It makes us so consumed with ourselves, with our need to be right, that we lose sight of the bigger picture. We forget that there is a higher purpose, a greater mission beyond self-interest—one that should be centered on truth, integrity, and service to the community.
Psalm 1
1 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers,2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.
WICKED COMPANY ROTS OUR DECISION MAKING A LOT.
Do not be deceived: 'Evil company corrupts good habits.' Awake to righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.
Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person.
I am a companion of all who fear You,
And of those who keep Your precepts.
That they may keep you from the immoral woman,
From the seductress who flatters with her words.
It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise
Than for a man to hear the song of fools.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.
Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.
For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles—when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries. In regard to these, they think it strange that you do not run with them in the same flood of dissipation, speaking evil of you. They will give an account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.
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